


Thoughts, Theories and More

by Canarianyellow



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: A lot of theories, Curses, Dumb Questions, Dumpster fire for my thoughts, F/F, F/M, Gen, Headcanon, How Do I Tag, M/M, More characters to be added, Music, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Patronus, Patronus Charm, Potions, Sectumsempra, Thestrals, ideas, it's a full cast eventually, need equally dumb answers, spells
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-01-13 09:20:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18466039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Canarianyellow/pseuds/Canarianyellow
Summary: You ever just have a burning question that demands an answer? Something that fills your mind in the late hours of the day? An inquiry that just yearns to be spoken into the world? A little idea that spirals into something dangerously magnificent in your beautiful, messy mind?Do ever find yourself thinking of things you've never seen anyone else question?Well I have and I'm here to spit them onto a page and get them out there.You've been warned.





	1. In the Kitchen...

**Author's Note:**

> Don't read this if you hate stupid questions

Hello and welcome to episode 1 of “Local Idiot Asks Questions No One Wanted Answers To”. 

Will this be in any way structured, concise or even coherent? No. This will we a true mess with no possible way of understanding how my brain works. I’m gonna just type and not do anything else. No editing, no rewording. If I think it, I’m gonna write it down. 

This will be raw footage of the inner workings of my truly dumb mind. 

I ask the hard-hitting questions that plague my mind at 2 am on a Saturday when I finally decide to take a shower. I seek to unravel the truth to things not-yet realised. I dare to go where no writer has gone and truly push the limit on “Is there such thing as a dumb question”. I purvey the world for things that needn’t be questioned, but should and will be. I fight for everyone who has ever asked something only to be asked “what the fuck is wrong with you??” 

At the age of fourteen, nearly five years ago now, I began my goal of being the one true dumbass. The pinnacle of idiocy and foolishness. 

It is a goal I proudly pursue. 

 

And I will start with my most recent question:  _ Can _ Sectumsempra used to cut fruits and vegetables?? 

Like… officially I know it's for causing lacerations and hemorrhaging, but who says I can’t use it to chop of some lettuce for my sandwich??? What are the limits on what I can lacerate. It ain’t like spells are all set in stone anyways. If a dude in high school could invent it, I bet anything I could make it into a really weird kitchen spell. 

What I’m trying to say here is could I freak out my roommates by casually using sectumsempra while cutting bananas for breakfast in the morning. 

How far can I stretch the meaning of a spell/curse. 

For example, can Diffindo be used like that too??? Like it’s considered the “severing charm” I guess??? And its used for clothing and shit so technically, if they both do things similar to cutting, what the fuck is stopping me from using them to do dumb things like cut my onions. 

Can I use it for something else???? Can I cut my lawn with them, or could I just straight up use it as a paper shredder when I’m cleaning out old paperwork? Can  _ other _ spells be used like that??? Or even  _ Potions????  _

Also did Snape ever get Sectumsempra patented? Could Harry or someone else just… Claim it as theirs?? How does that shit work in the wizarding world. Like anyone could just say “oh yeah I invented that spell” unless they have some way of registering new spells and their uses. 

I really doubt he did, because it’s like a dark curse or whatever, but god imagine having fucking  _ Sectumsempra _ registered as a simple cutting charm??? Or better yet: A god damb surgical spell? Like anything can be misconstrued into a positive if you do it right. 

Plenty of charms are used in very questionable ways, so why the hell not use a dark, devastating curse on your vegetables??? When the fuck else am I gonna use it. 

What’s stopping me? Nothing. 

 

On a kinda related note, what does dittany look like??? Like in my head, it’s a kinda pearly white. 

And the only reason I think that is because I have a vivid idea of someone saying “I accidentally put dittany instead of mayonnaise on my sandwich and now my tongue is numb”. 

Can dittany even make your tongue numb? I know a whole lotta pain/injury creams that can do that. Never get Neosporin in your mouth, you’ll thank me later. That shit nasty and makes your whole mouth feel weird. 

What about other weird shit??? Can Dittany be put in other shit? Can you make dittany scented?? Or add some other things to give it other properties- like something to make you sleepy or relax your muscles? Can I make a dittany bath bomb. Epsom salt and dittany, perfect for the day after a full moon. 

Can you put pepper-up potion in your morning coffee? Or like… bake the potion into a batch of brownies. Delicious baked goods filled with something to keep you feeling pretty a-okay. Honestly that sounds hella nice. 

Are there bakeries that sell pepper-up pastries? If not, then I’m officially patenting that. My idea now. Pepper-up pastries, Blemish-clearing brownies, hangover muffins.... The possibilities are endless. Cooking and potion making is supposed to be similar, isn’t it? Or that’s what I’ve been told so unless I’ve been lied to then it’s totally possible to mix the two together. 

It could be a baker and a potion master, married at the ripe age of 29 and living their best life of owning a little cafe/apothecary in Diagon Alley. 

They have one child, a little girl no older than 3. She likes to watch her parents dance after diner in the living area, with that look that makes it seem like they’ve been married for fifty years instead of just four. She falls asleep to one parent reading out loud from an old potions textbook from their school days. 

Fuck now I have a new character- three new characters actually. I love them all, though. 


	2. Ma'am That's Asthma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't remember a single instance of someone having an allergy in the entirety of Harry Potter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. How are y'all doing? Good? Good.

Do wizards have something that works like an Epipen???

Like what happens if a kid is allergic to peanuts or some shit? Do house elves cook them separate food from everyone else? I honestly can’t remember a single moment in any book about someone having an allergic reaction. Do wizards even have allergies?

Imagine just being a muggle-born and showing up to Hogwarts with an Epipen. Does Madam Pomfrey have them? Are there kids that need to take muggle medication??? Like I’m sorry but I’d rather take my iron pills than those “nutrition potions”. Is that just me? Probably.

Are there any cautions in food preparation? Or if someone can’t eat gluten or something??? Can they take into account dietary restrictions? Like I have a plethora of food allergies so like I’m gonna kill someone if I die on my first day of hogwarts.

Okay but also someone just being like “dude you gotta try pumpkin juice” and then you say “I’m allergic” and they just lose their _mind_ because like _what the fuck_. Allergies??? What are those???

Or better yet, looking snape dead in the eyes when he tells you to do something in class and being like “I’m allergic to these ingredients”. He’s a half-blood so he should know about allergies, right?? I bet he has gloves for anyone who can’t touch some of the ingredients for any reason. He seems like the kinda guy that’s completely prepared for that stuff.

Maybe he’s like the only teacher that is. Everyone else is just clueless when one of the kids has an allergic reaction and Madam Pomfrey isn’t there yet and he just _whips_ out the Epipen and stabs the kid with it.

Everyone is just like _what the FUCK_ and he’s just like “y’all are dumb”.

What if _Harry_ was allergic to something? Oh that’d be fucken hilarious. Voldemort is doing all this shit to kill Harry in convoluted ways when all he actually had to do was slip some fucking _peanuts_ into his food. And then Severus can _once again_ save his life by stabbing him.

You know I talk about Snape a lot but he’s actually one of my least favourite characters. I don’t _hate_ him like I used to but he’s definitely nowhere near my top 5.

_Oh fuck_ what if _Snape_ was allergic to something?? Since I’m all about projecting I’m gonna make him have the same allergy as me- red meat. It’s why he’s so pale and sickly-looking. Not enough red meat and iron will do that to you. I bet he brews his own nutrition potions.

What if someone had a cat allergy?? Are there spells with that kind of shit? Cuz like there’s bound to be A Lot of cats at Hogwarts. And if there’s spells for animal allergies, would those work with like… seasonal allergies too?

Or like how my friend gets really bad asthma when it rains. Is there shit in the wizarding world for that too?? Or do kids just bring inhalers to school like they do with Epipens. Like asthma can be a big deal for some people.

Imagine wizards having these common ailments and having no idea what they are. “Oh my son gets short of breath _so_ easily” and then a muggle-born is just like “ma’am that’s asthma”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this is a thing now.


	3. Patronuses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have many thoughts and feelings on the patronus charm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 of "I Have Too Many Thoughts"   
> I hope y'all enjoy my ramblings.   
> You probably won't.

Patronuses are hecking  _ weird _ . 

Like… Okay. I have a thestral for my patronus. A fucking  _ thestral _ and I have  _ questions.  _

Would a thestral patronus have any similar characteristics of an actual patronus??? Would people be able to see it? Or would it just look like that misty stuff that comes out of your wand when you can’t produce a full patronus? Like since thestrals can only be seen by people who have witnessed death, would a patronus of one work the same? 

Also?? Could I ride it? What are the limits on how you can interact with your patronus? Like they can be used to send messages,  _ and _ I specifically remember a scene in  _ Order of the Phoenix _ where ron trips over a dog patronus. I dunno if that’s even valid because it was the movie, but it still happened. 

So by that logic, if I can be tripped by a patronus, what’s stopping me from riding it too? If the happy memory is strong enough and it’s corporeal enough?? 

High key tho, I laugh every time I remember I have a  _ thestral _ patronus because what are the odds that me, someone with a terminal health condition, has  _ that _ for the animal that best represents me. God was like “Give the dying person a  _ death horse _ ”. 

Maybe I should just do a chapter dedicated to just thestrals. I have many thoughts. 

Also, can you sleep with a patronus? Or pet them? Will a patronus stay active even if you’re asleep? I feel like they’d be pretty good at settling your mind from nightmares. Like a therapy animal. 

Oh!!! That’d be a neat idea- therapists having their patronus out during a patient’s session to help ease their mind. Or are they called mind healers? Is that canon? I don’t know and honestly at this point I don’t know if I care. 

I have like 15 views. No one’s here to stop me. 

* * *

 

Okay. So a patronus is considered one of the lightest spells a wizard could possibly learn, aka why almost every dark wizard can’t conjure one. Because a happy memory of torturing someone can’t actually count as a happy memory, right? 

So what’s the limit on happy memories? Like Harry’s wasn’t an actual memory, right? It was just a thought? Or am I remembering it wrong… I don’t think I am. His happy memory was talking to his parents right?? Right. I think. 

So like… What can count as a happy memory? Are dreams technically memories? If you have a happy enough dream, will that be strong enough to produce a patronus? And if that is possible, would it be a “true patronus”? Cuz that shit can change. What if patronuses from anything but a true memory are just projections of what we desire? 

Like Harry’s was a stag because his was the thought of getting to talk to his parents, but if he created a patronus from an actual, solid memory then it would be something different? Dreams and thoughts don’t equate to a memory, so they’ll never be a “true patronus”. 

_ Also _ while I’m on a tirade of questioning every aspect of a patronus… Dumbledore’s. It's a phoenix. We all know that. And yeah it’s really fitting for him and shit, but I gotta talk about some stuff Pottermore said about it that I always see people gloss over. 

Dumbledore’s favourite animal is a  _ phoenix _ and Pottermore talks a bit about what it means to have your favourite animal as your patronus. It’s believed this is an indication of eccentricity and a comfort in things others may want to conceal. So basically, wizards who can produce a patronus by choice like Dumbledore’s suspected to be able to are people who are very open and comfortable with the kind of person they are. And to be honest that sounds perfect for him. 

Fuck maybe that’s why mine’s a thestral. Can’t hide the fact I’m dying, might as well have my patronus reflect that. 

* * *

 

_ And another thing!  _ Patronuses and animagus forms: My whole life I’ve thought your animagus animal and your patronus animal were the same. Is that not correct??? 

I’ve just always believed that. But then I read all these stories where Harry’s an animagus but his form isn’t a stag and like??? It’s always  _ bothered  _ me. Like yeah sometimes the two won’t match up, patronuses can change, but like  _ was I the only person who thought this???  _

Sirius was a black dog, so was his patronus. James was a stag, so was his patronus. Pettigrew was a rat,  _ so was his patronus.  _ It’s like been a golden rule for me, and I honestly don’t remember  _ why.  _ Is it canon? Fuck if I know. I mean, they’re both supposed to represent your “inner self” so it makes sense right??? 

So why does Harry seem to  _ always  _ be something different? Like it’s not a big deal. It usually doesn’t make me dislike a story, but it just sticks out like a sore thumb to me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see, I have many things to say. Feel free to talk to me about them.


	4. Thestrals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My patronus is a Thestral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have many thoughts on thestrals.  
> Most of these questions are valid.  
> The rest aren't.

I love thestrals. Hell, I love like all of the magical creatures- they’re all pretty neat. Care of Magical Creatures would  _ probably _ be my favourite subject. 

With that being said, I have  _ thoughts  _ about thestrals. 

What extent of death does one have to experience in order to see one? Like Harry seeing his parents die wasn’t enough to, but Cedric’s death was. So is it the concept of  _ understanding  _ the death you witnessed? And how far does that  _ understanding  _ go? I’m pretty sure seeing death through media wouldn’t work, or seeing someone die in another person’s memories. 

Furthermore, does someone else’s death have to be the reason behind it?? Let’s say you die- even if it’s temporary, could you see thestrals afterwards? Like hell, I’ve technically died twice now, so could  _ I  _ hypothetically see one? If someone attempted suicide, could they also see thestrals? Even if it wasn’t successful? 

Or better yet, would  _ near _ deaths be enough to see a thestral? Like if you nearly die, but don’t, will that count? Or does it explicitly  _ have  _ to be a complete death? Cuz I know plenty of people who have nearly died from accidents. 

Do the deaths of  _ animals _ count? If your pet dies, could you see thestrals afterwards? Is that enough to warrant the ability??? But then that kinda leads back to the  _ understanding _ part of it too, right? Cuz I don’t think that just seeing a random squirrel die would let you see them. So maybe it’s a matter of  _ understanding  _ and also having some kind of emotional tie to the person or animal? 

And then there’s the question of if seeing someone get a Dementor’s kiss would count as seeing someone die. Because like, the body is still alive but??? The soul was technically sucked out and eaten right? So it’s still a technical death. 

And in this house technicalities count. So I’m counting it. 

* * *

 

How  _ comfortable _ is it to ride a thestral? Like they’re bony as fuck so you wouldn’t think they would be, but then again they’re a magical creature so maybe they actually are??? Anything is possible when nothing is real. 

Are there custom saddles for thestrals? And if not,  _ can _ I custom make them? There has to be a market for that shit. It’s so obscure, I bet someone else has done it. It could be like… padded. So it fills out to be more comfortable on the thestral’s spine while also supporting your weight. 

I mean, they have very little muscle definition and I doubt they have any fat, so riding them has got to be hell on their bones. Maybe that’s why more people don’t do it. 

I wonder what a fat thestral would look like. 

Actually, how do you even check a thestral’s heath? Is it similar to an actual horse, with checking their coat shine and such? Do you brush them? Or is it a more leathery texture? How often should you bathe a thestral? Are they a more self-sufficient species? Are they prone to any health problems? 

Like seeing and hearing problems- with how they’ve been depicted to look, I wouldn’t be surprised. Do they need regular eye drops? Or something to keep their skin from drying out? They seem to prefer dark, damp environments so they must be used to some degree of humidity. 

What about dietary needs? They’re omnivores, right? So what kind of restrictions do they have? Should you vary their diet in any way? If their food mainly consists of raw meat, do they need calcium supplements or anything else? With how little muscle and fat they have, are they prone to breaking bones? 

I’m asking all this like I’m a new pet owner, but  _ I just really want to know.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tl;dr, I really want to own thestrals.   
> How cool would that be???


	5. Music Taste

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My song taste is very specific and I'm a slut for soft shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one reads these so I'm basically just going Off now.   
> Who's gonna stop me? No one.   
> I'll talk about whatever the heck I want.   
> I have the power now.

You know, I have a weird list I keep of song for Harry Potter that I hear, and it’s gotten kinda long so… I’m just gonna get them out into the world. Like, some of these songs I have  _ never _ seen a single person mention. 

Like “In Our Bedroom After the War” by Stars.

First time I heard that song, I was like  _ this is perfect _ . And then fast forward to be seeing if anyone else had this idea, and nope! Not a single video with this song for Harry Potter. Like that just seems  _ sad _ . Like it has such a great balance of sadness and hopefulness that really is just perfect for after the second wizarding war. You know,  _ kinda like how it has After the War in its name.  _

But I digress. I know I’m not the only one who thinks this, though- I’ve seen plenty of fics that use the lyrics for chapter titles. So some people have to be thinking the same thing as me. 

Also shoutout to Ministry of Magic for being literally my favourite Harry Potter band. I know they’re kinda old but fuck does their music just make me happy. 

Personally my favourite songs are “A Phoenix Lament” and “Epilogue”. I just love how they play into each other, you know? It’s freaking wonderful. 

No surprise to anyone who knows me, but I am a  _ huge _ folk music fan. I’m pretty sure my music library is 70% folk. So you bet your ass I have a lot of folk songs for this shit. 

“Second Child, Restless Child” by the Oh Hello’s is a 10/10 song and honestly I’ve just always pictured it perfect for Sirius??? But it’s pretty good for a lot of characters. 

And it’s just a really good montage song too. 

“Would You Be So Kind” By Dodie Clark is a freaking great song for James and Lily. I’m probably the only one who thinks so, but I do so I’ll fight everyone. 

Another song is “Little Bird, Little Bird” by Elizabeth Mitchell but that’s more because I have the distinct image of Lily singing it to Harry stuck in my head. Like,  _ how cute would that be.  _

“Blame” By Air Traffic Controller is another freaking amazing song I really wish more people knew it. Because it’s gotta a pretty fucking powerful message to it and I honestly cried the first time I heard it. 

There’s no exact character I’d connect the song to, but the lyrics “... think of everyone you’ve met along the way and all you’ve faced, and boy you’ve won” just gives me Harry Potter vibes. And the whole concept of not blaming yourself, because you did the best you could with what you had. That’s such a strong lesson I think a lot of characters need to learn. I dunno, the song just makes me emotional and so does Harry Potter. 

“Hello my Old Heart” by The Oh Hello’s to me feels like a song perfect for Remus and Sirius, specifically during Prisoner of Azkaban. Like finding out your ex escaped from prison has  _ got _ to dredge up some old feelings. And I don’t care what anyone says, those two have  _ some  _ kind of romantic history. 

In contrast, “If I’m Being Honest” and “She” by Dodie Clark give me major Remus/Sirius vibes for when they were still in school. And both could be from the perspective of either person, though I think most people would put both in Remus’ perspective. 

They’re both very soft-spoken songs and go into the feeling of not being adequate, whether it be for yourself or for someone else. And if there’s one thing you should know about me, it’s that I’m a very soft kind of person. 

“I Wanna Get Better” by The Bleachers and another 10/10 song and also a staple for any fandom. If you think Harry Potter is an exception, think again bitch. 

“Snaps” by Lee DeWyze, mostly because the lyrics “your green eyes tell tales of goodbye” shook me to my core and being a green-eyed beauty myself, I took it upon myself to put it on my Harry Potter Playlist. 

“To Build a Home” by the Cinematic Orchestra, another staple for many fandoms. And so sadly perfect for Harry Potter that I’m sad when I don’t see it used more often. It’s a great fucking song, I recommend it to anyone. 

“Long Live” by Taylor swift, for the same reason people use the song “This is War” but honestly?? I prefer “Long Live” as a Harry Potter song, mostly because of the lyric “I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you” because like?? Fuck??? 

“Stay Alive” by José González is another amazing song, and this one actually has a video someone put together for the Marauders. It’s pretty neat. Shit got me fucked up. 

Okay, last song for now. “Growing Pains” By Maria Mena. Like  _ fuck.  _ That song hits me like a ton of bricks every time I hear it. It’s so bittersweet and amazing and I can’t help listening to it every single time I’m writing literally anything. 13/10 song. First time I heard it, it gave me some Draco vibes but honestly it’s kinda just a general “this is only harry potter playlist” kind of song. 

* * *

 

Now I said that was the last song, but this one isn’t  _ technically  _ the song. There is a very specific video, by a specific channel, that just got me so fucked up I actually cried the first time I saw it??? 

And that video is “Gone- A Marauders Music Video” by NyxRising Industries. It’s so wonderful and so well-made and after watching it I kinda binge-watched everything on their channel. Like they’re really amazing and I really fucking wish I could support them on Patreon! Soon, hopefully. One day. 

And like??? They don’t even have 100k subscribers- there’s only like 54k and that’s mind blowing to me! Their videos are so great, and not all of them are even Harry Potter related! 

For a channel that made me fall in love with the song “Gone, Gone, Gone” by Phillip Phillips, I really wish they’d get more attention. Like I can’t listen to this song without thinking about the Marauders now! It’s just ingrained in my mind. It doesn’t help that the video has Remus/Sirius and James/Lily which are like. My favourite ships.

[Here's the video if anyone is interested](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yP_R1FUfdnc&t=181s)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love music- I'd be happy with any song recommendations


	6. I Like Theories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have thoughts and theories on Horcruxes.   
> They might even be good theories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me? Having a decent theory???   
> It's more likely than you think.

I have a theory. 

A theory to a question just about everyone has at least once in their lifetime. 

A theory I may have put too much thought into, but I stand by it and at this point there’s no one to tell me it’s wrong so I’m gonna say its canon. 

Horcruxes. We all talk about them, we all think about them, and we all wonder what the requirements for creating one are. Because apparently Rowling won’t say, and at this point we’re not waiting around for her to do it. She says it involves some horrible act, but that’s all we get. 

There’s been a lot of theories- an original one being some sort of spell being required to create a horcrux when you murder someone. It’s simple and straight to the point. Sometimes the easiest answer is the correct one, right? Just a spell, nothing else, no horrible act to theorize about yet. 

But, of course, Rowling then came forward and did say there was a spell, but that was just the start. So technically correct, but not the full story. A full story would be whatever the hell this god awful deed you have to do, that for some reason she won’t  _ tell us. _

And then just a few years ago someone came out with this revolutionary theory and honestly??? It spurred me to further my own theories on the subject, so I applaud the person who originally came up with it. And that theory was: cannibalism. 

Evidence-wise, this theory had some pretty good reasonings behind it. Cannibalism was just taboo and disturbing enough to explain why Rowling wouldn’t say, and was the perfect explanation for why Voldemort’s followers were called  _ Death Eaters.  _ It’s in the name, people. 

I loved this theory when I first heard it. To create a horcrux, you had to cannibalize at least part of who you killed. Made decent sense, and was pretty fucked up. What more could you ask for? 

This theory, though, had it’s holes… The main one being that in the books, the bodies were said to have looked completely whole when found. I remember specifically in a flashback to when Riddle kills his living family, it even says “The Riddles all seemed to be in perfect health- apart from the fact they were dead” in _ The Goblet of Fire.  _

Necrophilia was another theory flying around for a while, but that’s a can of worms I’m not getting into. 

_ But! _ My theory. The theory I’ve talked about plenty with my friends, but also have never seen anyone else talk about. Picture it: me, 2016, just discovered the cannibalism and wondering how legit this amazing theory is. 

And then I had a question. What part of a person can someone eat without there being physical evidence??? And then it hit me: eating a person’s  _ soul.  To make a horcrux, you have to devour the victim’s soul.  _ I mean, the  _ entire _ premise of horcruxes is splitting your soul, right? So why not have the making of one have to do with souls too?? Y’all, I’m just saying… It works. 

And maybe the spell required has a similar effect to what Dementors do! You cast it, and you basically have the chance to perform a  _ Dementor’s Kiss  _ on the person who you killed. I mean, Dementor’s are already seen as disturbing for this shit, but a  _ human _ doing it??? That might just be fucked up enough for Rowling not wanting to talk about it. 

Like I’m just saying, but this is a pretty valid theory and I’m sticking with it. Wanna make a horcrux? Eat a dude’s soul. It’s good for your colon. High in protein, all that good stuff. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It canon now- there's no one here to tell me otherwise.


	7. Pokemon in the Wizarding World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the most important question I've had to date.   
> It's so important that I've thought about it for three days straight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love pokemon, and I love Harry Potter.   
> Enough said.   
> Someone had to ask it, and I'm gonna be the one to do it.

Yes hi, I have  _ the  _ most important question. 

Are pokemon cards a thing in the wizarding world? Or hell, are yugi-oh cards a thing??? Do people collect them? 

Or even better, does the wizarding world have their own line of pokemon and yugi-oh cards that are  _ animated???  _ They could totally be like freaking portraits and move between cards, that’d be freaking amazing. 

Or would it be more like muggle-borns bring them into school and shit and people are like ??? what is this?? I could totally see a situation where someone brings their rare holo card to school and everyone’s just like “how the fuck do muggles make these???” I’m very invested in having wizards be dumbasses to every single thing unique to the muggle world. 

Or like… muggle-born kids coming to school, talking about all these cartoons and animes they watch and wizarding kids being like  _ what _ . 

Just a muggle-born being like “I’m gonna miss like a whole season of pokemon when I’m gone, so I asked my mom to record it for me” and just getting the most  _ baffled  _ looks from people. Record??? Pokemon??? What the fuck is that. 

A kid mentions he has a blue eyes white dragon and everyone immediately going “how the  _ fuck  _ do you own a dragon???” Honestly I’d say that just to fuck with everyone. 

There’s an entire club for playing the trading card game, and then later they start trying to figure out a way to make their gameboys and DS’s work at school. A new game comes out during the school year and every muggle-born student collectively loses their  _ shit.  _

Honestly, if any of the wizarding schools, and the wizarding world as a whole, wants to survive they’re gonna have to figure out how to integrate technology into their society. Cuz so far, the muggle world has Pokemon and the wizarding world has jack shit. 

Like yeah, the whole secrecy thing, but like at least let me play Pokemon Go at hogwarts. I bet they have a shit ton of hoothoots. And noctowls. 

Furthermore, with their ability to literally animate portraits and photographs, I bet they’d be  _ amazing  _ at creating their own television shows and cartoons. Like they could do  _ so much  _ with magic to further animation and things like it. Why use cgi when you could hire an actual magical creature??? They could even have an educational channel, like Sesame Street but for wizarding children. That shit would go wonderful. 

Like I’m not saying having children’s television and such would solve everything, but it sure would solve a lot of them. And hell, they could actually televise  _ quititch  _ and shit instead of relying on people actually going to games in order to watch them. It’d be easier to hear news from different countries as well, and keep the wizarding world more connected. 

Hell, it could really be helpful for muggle-born children too! Don’t know anything about this world that you’ve been suddenly thrown into??? Well, here’s an educational video on your first introduction into the Wizarding World! These kids are 11, they’ll love that shit. 

And another thing- kind of unrelated. Can you have a pokemon as a patronus???? Like, if you have a strong enough connection to one, and your happiest memory includes pokemon, would it theoretically be possible to conjure a pikachu as your patronus? I mean, if dinosaurs can and magical creatures can, I don’t see why not. Who cares if they’re fake??? This is the wizarding world, you can probably make one. 

I bet someone has tried. They looked at their pet toad and was like “... what if it looked like bulbasaur?” That’s gotta have happened at least once, and if it happens then I sure am gonna try. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> personally, my favourite pokemon is Ditto.   
> How great would it be to have a ditto.   
> just this cuddly blob that can turn into me and go to class for me so I can sleep in.


	8. I Made Something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today I turn a family myth into a Harry Potter thing.   
> I did that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In all seriousness, there's a lot of very old stories in my family about shadow children. And I do mean a lot.   
> I grew up hearing about them, and then one day I sat down and was like "what if they were in Harry Potter" and then I just kept writing. I'm putting them in here because this is where all my other ideas are dumped.   
> I tweaked some stuff just to make them fit in more with the wizarding world, but for the most part this is all completely based on things I've heard at family reunions.

Shadow Children, or sometimes called “Echoes”, are a dark creature produced from horrifying circumstances. For this, they are a XXX class creature despite the evidence indicating their calm, human-like personalities. 

An Echo is created when a pregnant woman dies from “dark means”. What those dark means exactly entail, no one is quite sure. It is, however, believed to be a curse of some sort- a very powerful one at that. The unborn child’s raw magic is contorted by the spell to produce what will appear to be an infant, but not one that came from the mother. They are, by no means, human. It has even been argued if they could be considered a creature, with the way they are made instead of born. 

The signs for an Echo are vague and often obscure, as it is rare and often difficult to truly point out if someone is a Shadow Child or not. Most don’t make it past infancy- until the early 1800’s, it was a common practice to simply kill them before they could grow into maturity. It is, however, said that Echoes do not have belly buttons. They did not come from a womb, and thus do not have the need for one. It is also said a Shadow Child’s eyes will always be black, though this has yet to be actually confirmed. 

Other signs include the extreme amount of accidental magic from a very early age and their affinity for darker spells and abilities- it is commonly thought that this is a result for the way they are brought into the world. Wandless magic comes more easily to them, as did mental magics such as Occlumency and Legilimency. 

It has also been noted that shadow children do not give off a scent, or are commonly said to smell like “magic”. This causes unease in some magical creatures, while also soothing others. Werewolves, for example, do not attack a shadow child even on the full moon. Thestrals, as well, seem completely unphased by them. Unicorns, on the other hand, have been said to have very adverse and even borderline violent reactions to Echoes. 

Echoes are also commonly thought to be more resilient- there is a common myth that even a killing curse isn’t enough to take one down once they’ve fully matured. This has not been proven, but it is known that they do not age at a linear rate like wizards and witches do. Often times, a Shadow Child will not look their age for decades- by 30, they may possibly look half that age. 

In regards to laws in place for these creatures, they are now protected. In 1811, Andromeda Shafiq passed a law that made the killing of Echoes illegal, after the death of her sister had produced one. Lyra Shafiq was raised as if she was truly of their blood, and was the first shadow child to be recorded on a family tree. It made headlines in those days, with everyone shocked that a dark creature was being treated like a normal witch. 

Echoes, however, were still not legally allowed to attend school and were highly discriminated in wizarding society. As rare as they were, it was thought to be bad luck to employ one and many spoke out about having them near other children. It was believed to be a safety hazard. 

It wasn’t until 1964 that a bill was passed allowing Shadow Children to attend school- a bill that Albus Dumbledore himself advocated for. It was common knowledge that an old friend of his, Thuban Arcross, was an Echo herself. Shortly after the bill was passed, Dumbledore went on to become the Headmaster at Hogwarts and made a note to hire on Arcross as a professor. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thuban Arcross is one of my honest to god first OC's. I made her years ago, and she's been with me ever since. I love her. She was a leading researcher into hereditary gifts, like metamorphomagi and parselmouths. She is currently married to Lucien Greyback, and they have two adopted children. She is an Italian citizen.   
> I'm so tempted to just write shit out for all of my OC's. I have a lot.


	9. Severus Snape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My brain is stupid so I'm just going to speak that stupid into the world. Nothing can stop me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a lot of feelings about Severus Snape.   
> Will I share any of them?   
> Probably not.   
> But I sure as hell will share all my exceptionally dumb thoughts on the subject of Sever Fucking Snape.

Fun Fact: I have a lot of random notes on my phone, and one of them is just titled “Severus Thoughts” so you know what? I’m gonna share some of them cuz they’re dumb. 

First of all, why does no one acknowledge the fact that Severus can be shortened to  _ Russ _ ???? Like I see “Sev” in literally almost every fic I’ve ever read, but somehow Russ goes completely unnoticed?? What name do you think would annoy him more? Sev? Or freaking  _ Russ? _

And it’s a good cover name. Who the fuck is gonna hear the name Russ and think it’s short for anything  _ but  _ Russel? No one! And that just adds to the hilarity of calling Severus Snape  _ Russ _ to his face. Like it has so much potential! Russ makes you think of a 40 year old, lawn-mowing, gas station glasses wearing  _ dad.  _ Or at least it does for me. 

Basically what I’m saying is if I had the chance to call Severus Snape anything but his name, I would call him Russ. He’d hate me, and I’d be happy with that. It’d be mutual. He tries to poison me, I get more and more creative with my nicknames. It’s a symbiotic relationship. 

I guess I just don’t get why people always immediately shorten his name to the first syllable, when the last syllable is just there  _ waiting  _ to be used. I mean, Russ is a more common name and is already short for something else. Why not use it?? Do people just not think about this shit? Cuz I do. A lot. 

And I don’t know why but as a child I always compared him to an Aye-Aye? Idk, something in my brain just decided he probably looked like one. And mind you, this was before I’d seen any movies. I don’t even know if there  _ were  _ movies yet?? Probably, but I hadn’t seen them. I just read his description, and thought about the weird animal I’d seen on Discovery Channel and was like “well they’re both creepy” and it was forever cemented in my brain. Severus Snape was an Aye-Aye. 

Another thing, what would Snape be like drunk? I bet he almost never does, but he probably get hella emotional when he finally gets to the point of no return. Sappy, sad, drunk and lamenting about everything he regrets. It’s a mess, it’s why he never does it. Too much vulnerability for his taste. 

Or better yet, imagine the first time he goes drinking with the Hogwarts staff??? These are all people much older than him, which have all  _ taught  _ him in class and now he’s suddenly going to a bar with them. Wild time for everyone involved. 

Also do y’all wanna know a dumb thought I had when I first read the Deathly Hallows??? And I mean it’s dumb. I was but a wee lad, and completely ready to jump the shark and come up with the most convoluted theories I could. I started early with this shit, you know? While everyone was out making  _ actual  _ theories that could  _ actually  _ happen, little ole me was thinking up the most absolute dumbest questions I could. 

But like… basically, picture this: 2008, I’m 9 years old and just started reading  _ The Deathly Hallows.  _ I get to a specific scene, the one where Harry looks into the pensieve- the scene with Dumbledore and Severus talking about Harry being a horcrux… and Snape shows his patronus- a doe, just like Lily’s. The famous words are said-  _ “After all this time?” “Always”.  _ Y’all know the part. 

Any normal person probably knew immediately that it meant Severus still loved Lily and all that shit. Should be obvious, right? It’s a deep scene, made a whole lot of people start fawning over our dear Russ. 

Me, though? Being a dumb nine-year-old?? I read that scene, stared at the page for a sold freaking  _ minute _ and then thought  _ does this mean Severus is a horcrux for Lily.  _

Somehow, that made more sense to my brain than anything else! He’s a horcrux too! That’s why! Nothing else! They have the same patronus because he has a part of Lily’s soul inside of him,  _ there can be no other explanation.  _

And I went on to think that for years! The movie? Just further cemented it in my head! And I honestly don’t remember why or where I even got the idea that this was even  _ possible.  _ Hell, I’m pretty sure I’m the  _ only _ person who thought this. I sure as fuck never saw people theorizing about it. And I have always been  _ deep  _ into Harry Potter theories. 

I’m pretty sure that if I put enough effort into it, I could make it into a legit theory. I bet I could find evidence dumb enough to work. I’m resourceful like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have spoken these words into the world, and I will not take them about. None can stop me, for I have only just begun.   
> I probably will be slowing down with updating this, though.   
> I'm going back to my old way of just updating once a week It might not be this, but something I'm currently writing will be updated, or posted. one or the other. I have many things I'm trying to work on.

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any input, feel free to comment and/or argue with me about my stupid thoughts. I'll be happy to talk to anyone about this shit.  
> I'm serious.


End file.
